so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
