finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
