I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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