come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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