Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
