i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
