This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
