some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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