Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
