Having a random hookup so left but love u
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
