just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
