I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
