Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
