Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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