No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize