Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize