we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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