Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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