Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
