the condom got lost in my hair
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
