so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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