I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
