so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
