I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
