They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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