Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
