when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
