My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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