And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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