The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
