Cold hands, warm shart.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
