Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
