I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
