I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
