I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
