he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
