Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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