His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize