im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
