Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize