Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
