We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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