All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
