where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
