it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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