"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize