Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
