Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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