Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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