just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I supernannyed him into submission
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