I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
tell me about the eggs
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