Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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