Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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