I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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