im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
