Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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