Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
