I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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