he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
