Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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