Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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