I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
