my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
