dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
