i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
