I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're like the curious george of whores
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
