According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
