absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
