dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
