Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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