Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
