you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
