I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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