he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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